zhampagne | ic inbox

You're right. You wouldn't feel a thing, you'd have the best day of your life.

[ The text ends there for some time. Long enough for it to feel... ominous.

And then Wade remembers he was having a conversation! ]

Sorry, left my device at discount Starbucks — do you want me to bring over the Rift Transistor or do you want to come to my place?

[ It's no trouble either way, except he actually has a deep enough bath tub that can fit the two of them. David doesn't, but pretty much the rest of his abode is way, WAY better. ]

Oooooookay then.

[This is where he has laid his affections. Prime Tweaker behavior right there.]

That's good, I thought maybe you were putting serious thought into offing me.
I can come to you. When?

[...]

I want knockoff Starbucks. :(

Edited 2022-01-08 04:55 (UTC)

[ If anyone had put a hit on David, they would quickly learn why Deadpool is feared back home. Thankfully, not an issue in this case. ]

well, if you want something from not Starbucks, I'd be happy to play delivery boy. Unless you want something iced but I've never really understood the choice to drink something with ice in it when it's cold outside...

anyway
I'm precaffeinated so I didn't really put together a coherent thought there
I was thinking we could cook dinner and watch a movie

[ That is absurdly normal. ]

Edited (speaking of precaffeinated brain) 2022-01-08 14:56 (UTC)

I can't believe you're just willing to drop everything to come bring me coffee or whatever all the time.

[David knows why but his brain is still having a hard time believing he deserves that.]

The Princess Bride, right?
What should we make?
Maybe I could find a branzino.

I like being that guy for you.
I'm not like this for just anyone, so you should really send me on some really challenging fetch quests, exploit the shit out of me.

[ Being able to dote on David makes him extremely happy. ]

You betcha. It's time we popped that cherry of yours.

I was thinking a roasted red pepper pasta, maybe some sauteed or roasted veg, pan-seared protein of choice?
I'm surprised that you know how to cook.

[ Is he really one to talk though? ]

That's
Really cute.
I'll have to think up a good challenge for you. 😈

Oh that sounds good.
I'm surprised that YOU know how to cook.
I certainly don't. I just know what tastes good.

Believe it or not, I'm very well house-trained. Fun fact: my knife skills come in really handy in the kitchen!
Also, called it!

[ He loves his spoiled little prince. ]

You can help with prep then and I reserve the right to show you a thing or two. I don't mean my penis, that's for later.

Fuck off, cooking is hard! They tell you to fold in the cheese but nobody bothers to explain what that even means!

[Don't make fun of him, nobody ever bothered to teach him domestic skills. That's what hired help is for!]

You can show me a thing or two any time you want.

Oh my god! Did you have the help Google things for you too?!

[ David is never living this down. ]

Wow, look at us making plans...
Cooking dinner together
Having a movie night
It's so domestic! What's next? Apartment hunting?

🖕🏻

[There's a loooooong pause before David's next reply comes through. Like, a full minute. While he panics and then talks himself off a ledge.]

Let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
Besides, didn't you just sign a lease? When are you moving into your new place?
Not that I don't love your current place's, um eclectic vibe.

Actually, time kinda ran away from me and I didn't end up signing the lease after all.

[ He's easily distracted. But also that long pause did not go unnoticed. Maybe David was in the middle of something, but he suspects that his excitability may have touched on something sensitive. ]

Don't worry, I was maybe... 20% serious about that
I wouldn't wish cohabitation with me on my worst enemy!

[ This is only true when he's depressed, that's when things get really ugly. ]

Ohhh

Oh good.
It's not that I haven't thought about it.
Someday.

[Might as well own up to it, while they're being honest about their feelings and shit.]

It's just been a long two years without having my own space, you know?
Me time is something I really value.
Almost as much as I value the time I spend with you.

Oooh, nice!
You navigated that potential minefield like a pro, and even turned it into a compliment! I’m touched, baby ❤️

Actually, I haven’t bothered to bring it up before but just in case I happen to be in the neighborhood and decide to drop by
Should we have some kind of system or code to let each other know if you or I are
Uhhh

Busy entertaining guests?

Pretty good, right?
Thank you for understanding.

Oh that's a good idea actually
Red light in the window? Or something like that.

Red light is practically a dog whistle!
No, what we need is something subtle.

Have any of those fat fake candles? The flameless ones?
I don't have any windows but I don't usually take people home with me.
You're a special case, though.
...The only other time I did was a vampire and anything involving vampires tends to get messy.

Anyway, fat electric flameless candle on in the window can be our secret DND sign

It feels wrong that you're the one advocating for subtlety here, but you make a good point.
I like the candle idea.

Do you mean a literal vampire?
or like an emotional vampire

Edited 2022-01-08 20:56 (UTC)

An actual vampire. We had an arrangement.
He needed a hot vein to tap into and this body burns through Manna like you won't believe.
Then one day he disappeared, just poof.

But you're right — With a butterface like mine, I'm surprised I don't have more people dropping in for a booty call!

That sounds both terrifying and super hot. Bummer that he disappeared.

People don't know what they're missing out on.

It was indeed both of those things. Not sure if that makes me a necrophiliac or a monsterfucker but here we are.

Right? If you look past all the gross stuff that makes me look like a burn unit patient, I've got so much to offer! A big dick, like no refractory period to speak of, and I cuddle!

[ He also talks incessantly and will likely try to do things that will make it difficult to look into one's own reflection the following day. ]

Anyway, it's fine — I have something no one else has!

You're definitely a monsterfucker. I have multiple instances of proof.

All very good things.
What's that?

[He's 10000% fishing for compliments with no shame.]

Touché, fellow monsterfucker.
I seem to recall you taking a walk on the wild side now and again.

[ David's just picking up what Wade is putting down and he loves it. ]

I have your heart. [ This is disgusting. ]

I know, predictable and cheesy. Hey, um. Did you notice it's been getting really cold lately?

You've got me there.

Oh, wow. That was...Hallmark card-worthy. [He loves it.]

Hard not to notice, my windows are so fucking drafty. I heard it's supposed to start snowing like crazy soon.

Um, I know we just talked about the whole cohabitation thing...

But what are your thoughts of potentially getting snowed in with me?

The idea doesn't immediately fill me with dread, so I'm in.
I'm going to need to stock up on supplies.

[Lube. He means lube. And food.]

[ Definitely lube. ]

That sounds promising!

Say no more, I'm on it. I'll bring a day bag, pack some party favors and do a run for provisions. Give me a list if you anything specific.

And if we don't get snowed in? It just means our weekend came early.

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zhampagne - 2022-01-09 15:48 (UTC) - Expand

ic inbox | noctium

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sees event post, maybe we should backdate this to 1/2 instead... enough to notice the cold

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